“Twa dogs, that were na thrang at hame,

Forgather’d ance upon a time.”— BURNS.

One morn — it was the very morn

September’s sportive month was born —

The hour, about the sunrise, early;

The sky gray, sober, still, and pearly,

With sundry orange streaks and tinges

Through daylight’s door, at cracks and hinges:

The air, calm, bracing, freshly cool,

As if just skimm’d from off a pool;

The scene, red, russet, yellow, laden,

From stubble, fern, and leaves that deaden,

Save here and there a turnip patch,

Too verdant with the rest to match;

And far a-field a hazy figure,

Some roaming lover of the trigger.

Meanwhile the level light perchance

Pick’d out his barrel with a glance;

For all around a distant popping

Told birds were flying off or dropping.

Such was the morn — a morn right fair

To seek for covey or for hare —

When, lo! too far from human feet

For even Ranger’s boldest beat,

A Dog, as in some doggish trouble,

Came cant’ring through the crispy stubble,

With dappled head in lowly droop,

But not the scientific stoop;

And flagging, dull, desponding ears,

As if they had been soak’d in tears,

And not the beaded dew that hung

The filmy stalks and weeds among.

His pace, indeed, seem’d not to know

An errand, why, or where to go,

To trot, to walk, or scamper swift —

In short, he seem’d a dog adrift;

His very tail, a listless thing,

With just an accidental swing,

Like rudder to the ripple veering,

When nobody on board is steering.

So, dull and moody, canter’d on

Our vagrant pointer, christen’d Don;

When, rising o’er a gentle slope,

That gave his view a better scope,

He spied, some dozen furrows distant,

But in a spot as inconsistent,

A second dog across his track,

Without a master to his back;

As if for wages, workman-like,

The sporting breed had made a strike,

Resolv’d nor birds nor puss to seek,

Without another paunch a week!

This other was a truant curly,

But, for a spaniel, wondrous surely;

Instead of curvets gay and brisk,

He slouch’d along without a frisk,

With dogged air, as if he had

A good half mind to running mad;

Mayhap the shaking at his ear

Had been a quaver too severe;

Mayhap the whip’s “exclusive dealing”

Had too much hurt e’en spaniel feeling,

Nor if he had been cut, ’twas plain

He did not mean to come again.

Of course the pair soon spied each other;

But neither seem’d to own a brother;

The course on both sides took a curve,

As dogs when shy are apt to swerve;

But each o’er back and shoulder throwing

A look to watch the other’s going,

Till, having clear’d sufficient ground,

With one accord they turn’d them round,

And squatting down, for forms not caring,

At one another fell to staring;

As if not proof against a touch

Of what plagues humankind so much,

A prying itch to get at notions

Of all their neighbor’s looks and motions.

Sir Don at length was first to rise —

The better dog in point of size,

And, snuffing all the ground between,

Set off, with easy jaunty mien;

While Dash, the stranger, rose to greet him,

And made a dozen steps to meet him —

Their noses touch’d, and rubb’d awhile

(Some savage nations use the style),

And then their tails a wag began,

Though on a very cautious plan,

But in their signals quantum suff.

To say, “A civil dog enough.”

Thus having held out olive branches,

They sank again, though not on haunches,

But couchant, with their under jaws

Resting between the two forepaws,

The prelude, on a luckier day,

Or sequel, to a game of play:

But now they were in dumps, and thus

Began their worries to discuss,

The Pointer, coming to the point

The first, on times so out of joint.

“Well, Friend — so here’s a new September,

As fine a first as I remember;

And, thanks to such an early Spring,

Plenty of birds, and strong on wing.”

“Birds!” cried the little crusty chap,

As sharp and sudden as a snap,

“A weasel suck them in the shell!

What matter birds, or flying well,

Or fly at all, or sporting weather,

If fools with guns can’t hit a feather!”

“Ay, there’s the rub, indeed,’” said Don,

Putting his gravest visage on;

“In vain we beat our beaten way,

And bring our organs into play,

Unless the proper killing kind

Of barrel tunes are play’d behind:

But when we shoot — that’s me and Squire —

We hit as often as we fire.”

“More luck for you!” cried little Woolly,

Who felt the cruel contrast fully;

“More luck for you, and Squire to boot!

We miss as often as we shoot!”

“Indeed! — No wonder you’re unhappy!

I thought you looking rather snappy;

But fancied, when I saw you jogging,

You’d had an overdose of flogging;

Or p’rhaps the gun its range had tried

While you were ranging rather wide.”

“Me! running — running wide — and hit!

Me shot! what, pepper’d? — Deuce a bit!

I almost wish I had! That Dunce,

My master, then would hit for once!

Hit me! Lord, how you talk! why, zounds!

He couldn’t hit a pack of hounds!”

“Well, that must be a case provoking.

What, never— but, you dog, you’re joking!

I see a sort of wicked grin

About your jaw you’re keeping in.”

“A joke! an old tin kettle’s clatter

Would be as much a joking matter.

To tell the truth, that dog-disaster

Is just the type of me and master,

When fagging over hill and dale,

With his vain rattle at my tail,

Bang, bang, and bang, the whole day’s run,

But leading nothing but his gun —

The very shot I fancy hisses,

It’s sent upon such awful misses!”

“Of course it does! But p’rhaps the fact is

Your master’s hand is out of practice!”

“Practice? — No doctor, where you will,

Has finer — but he cannot kill!

These three years past, thro’ furze and furrow,

All covers I have hunted thorough;

Flush’d cocks and snipes about the moors;

And put up hares by scores and scores;

Coveys of birds, and lots of pheasants; —

Yes, game enough to send in presents

To ev’ry friend he has in town,

Provided he had knock’d it down:

But no — the whole three years together,

He has not giv’n me flick or feather —

For all that I have had to do

I wish I had been missing too!”

“Well — such a hand would drive me mad;

But is he truly quite so bad?”

“Bad! — worse! — you cannot underssore him;

If I could put up, just before him,

The great Balloon that paid the visit

Across the water, he would miss it!

Bite him! I do believe, indeed,

It’s in his very blood and breed!

It marks his life, and, run all through it;

What can be miss’d, he’s sure to do it.