Although her teachers probably weren't thrilled to see her double-fisting martinis on a school day. To tell you the truth, I'm kind of over the whole thing. I mean, isn't it enough that we have to see that picture of her every time we use public transportation? Obviously you're not over it yet, though. Your E-mail hey gg, i went to the show at the gallery and looked for ur picture. very sexy. i like ur column too. u rule. –Bigfan Dear Bigfan, As long as you are not a stalker, I guess I'm flattered. –GG Dear Gossip Girl, When I saw S 's picture in the paper, I had an idea!! Are you S ? If you are, you are very sneaky. Also, my dad loves you and wants you to write a book. He's got lots of connections. If you tell me who you are, he can make you famous. –JNYHY Hey JNYHY, You are very sneaky yourself. And not to brag or anything, but I'm already kind of famous. Infamous is more like it. All the more reason for me not to tell you who I am. ?–GG SIGHTINGS D was seen returning a gorgeous Armani tux at Barneys and renting a much less gorgeous one at a formal store. His sister J was seen buying underwear at La Petite Coquette, although she chickened out on the thong. N was seen buying a big bag of pot in Central Park. Tell me something new. B was seen in the J. Sisters salon getting another Brazilian wax. The old one must have started to itch. S was seen with her feet out her bedroom window, letting her toenails dry. I don't think she's ever spent this much time at home in her entire life. Maybe she should get a cat or something. Meow.TWO QUESTIONS First: If you knew about a party that you weren't invited to, wouldn't you go, just to piss people off? I would. Second: If you'd made up your mind to go to the party, wouldn't you want to really rub people's noses in it by looking completely gorgeous and stealing everyone's boyfriends? Definitely.But who knows what S will decide to do. That girl is full of surprises. . . . At least I've given us all something to think about while we're getting our pedicures, plucking our eyebrows, and squeezing our zits. See you at the party!You know you love me, a change of heart “Ugly, ugly, ugly,” Serena said, wadding her new black dress into a ball and tossing it onto her bed.A gorgeous Tocca dress? Come on, how ugly could it be? Each day that week, Serena had dressed in her maroon uniform, gone to school, come home, watched some TV, eaten dinner, watched some more TV, and gone to sleep. She even did some homework. She spoke to no one except her parents and her teachers and maybe a passing greeting to the girls at school. She was beginning to feel only half-there, like the shadow of her former self, a girl people had known once, but couldn't quite remember anymore. And for the first time in her entire life, she felt ugly and awkward. Her eyes and hair looked dull to her, and her beautiful smile and cool demeanor had been roped off until further notice. Now it was Friday, the night of the Kiss on the Lips party. And the question she couldn't answer: to go or not to go? It used to be, before fancy parties like this, Serena and her friends would spend half the night getting dressed together–swilling gin-and-tonics, dancing around in their underwear, trying on crazy outfits. But tonight Serena rummaged through her closet alone. There was the pair of jeans with the rip in the leg where she'd snagged them on a barbed-wire fence in Ridgefield. There was the white satin dress she'd worn to the Christmas dance in ninth grade. Her brother's old leather jacket. Her moldy tennis shoes that should have been thrown out two years ago. And what was this? A red wool sweater–Nate's. Serena held it to her face and smelled it. It smelled like her, not him. Toward the back of the closet was a black velvet flapper dress that Serena had bought with Blair at a vintage store. It was a dress to wear while drinking and dancing and lounging around decoratively in a huge house full of people having a good time. It reminded Serena of the good-time gal she'd been when she bought the dress–her old self, the girl she'd been up until two weeks ago. She let her robe drop to the floor and slipped the dress on over her head. Maybe it would give her back some of her power. Barefoot, she padded into her parents' dressing room, where they were getting ready for their own black-tie affair. “What do you think?” Serena asked, doing a little twirl in front of them. “Oh, Serena, you're not wearing that. Tell me you're not,” her mother exclaimed, fastening a long rope of pearls around her neck. “What's wrong with it?” Serena said. “It's an old ratty thing,” Mrs. van der Woodsen told her. “It's just the sort of dress my grandmother was buried in.” “What's wrong with one of those outfits you bought with your mother last weekend?” Mr. van der Woodsen suggested. “Didn't you buy anything to wear to the party?” “Of course she did,” Mrs. van der Woodsen said. “She bought a lovely black dress.” “That makes me look like a fat nun,” Serena said grumpily. She put her hands on her hips and posed in front of her mother's full-length mirror. “I like this dress. It's got character.” Her mother sighed disapprovingly. “Well, what's Blair wearing?” she asked. Serena stared at her mother and blinked. Under normal circumstances she would have known exactly what Blair was wearing, down to her underwear. And Blair would have insisted on going shoe-shopping together, because if you bought a new dress, you had to have a pair of new shoes. Blair loved shoes. “Blair told everyone to wear vintage,” Serena lied. Her mother was about to respond when Serena heard her phone ring in her bedroom. Was it Nate calling to apologize? Blair? She raced down the hall in her bare feet, scrambling to pick it up. “Hello?” she said breathlessly. “Yo, bitch. Sorry I haven't called in a while.” Serena took a deep breath and sat down on her bed. It was Erik, her brother.“Hey,” she said. “Saw you in the paper last Sunday. You are crazy, aren't you?” Erik laughed. “What did Mom say? “Nothing. It's like I can do whatever I want now. Everyone thinks I'm like, ruined or something,” Serena said, fumbling for the right words. “That's not true,” Erik said. “Hey, what's up? You sound sad.” “Yeah,” Serena said. Her lower lip started to tremble. “I sort of am.” “How come? What's going on?” “I don't know. There's this party I'm supposed to go to that everyone's going to. You know how it is,” she began. “That doesn't sound so bad,” Erik said gently. Serena propped her pillows against the headboard of her bed and wriggled under her comforter. She rested her head against the pillows and closed her eyes. “It's just that no one's talking to me anymore. I don't even know why, but ever since I've been back it's been like I have mad cow disease or something,” she explained. The tears began to fall from underneath her closed lids. “What about Blair and Nate? Those guys must be talking to you,” Erik said. “They're your best friends.” “Not anymore,” Serena said quietly. Tears were streaming freely down her face now. She picked up a pillow and dabbed it against her cheeks to ebb the flow. “Well, you know what I say?” Erik said. Serena swallowed and wiped her nose on the back of her hand. “What?” “Fuck 'em. Totally. You don't need them. You're like, the coolest chick in the Western Hemisphere. Fuck 'em, fuck 'em, fuck 'em,” he said. “Yeah,” Serena said dubiously. “But they're my friends.” “Not anymore. You just said so yourself. You can get new friends. I'm serio............