Upper west siders look down their noses at the poorly versed ?Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats!? Rufus Humphrey bellowed as he delivered a platter of sizzling sausages with rum-roasted apples and bananas to the table. Jenny had made her dad feel so guilty for being out the day before when she'd brought Leo home that Rufus had insisted she invite Leo and Elise over for dinner the next night. Not that Rufus was out to impress his houseguests: As usual, he was wearing a food-stained white undershirt and his favorite pair of cigarette-burned, saggy-assed gray sweatpants. His curly gray hair and monstrous gray eyebrows stuck out at odd angles from his stubbly face, and his mouth and teeth were stained red from wine. ?We'd better sit down,? Jenny said, clicking off the TV in the library and grinning at Leo. ?Now you get to taste Dad's weird food. Be careful,? she warned. ?He puts alcohol in everything.? Leo looked at his watch. Then he stuck his hands in his jeans pockets and pulled them out again. He seemed nervous. ?Okay.? ?Her dad isn't as scary as he looks,? Elise said. She tucked her feet into her pink J. Crew clogs and clomped out into the dining room, as if she'd lived at Jenny's house all her life. Dan met them at the creaky dining room table. He was reading from a copy ofRed Letter and didn't even look up when his dad slapped a whole banana and a maimed-looking sausage on his plate. Once everyone was served, Rufus filled his wineglass to the rim and held it in the air. ?Now for a little poetry game!? Dan and Jenny rolled their eyes at each other across the table. Normally Jenny didn't mind her dad's little pop quizzes, games, and lectures, but with Leo there, it was just too embarrassing. ?Dad,? she whined. Why couldn't he be normal just this once? Rufus ignored her. ?Where are we going, Walt Whitman? / The doors close in an hour. / Which way does your beard point tonight?!? He directed a sausage-fat-greased finger at Leo. ?Name that poet!? ?Dad!? Jenny rattled the decaying wooden dining-room table in protest. Everything in the Humphreys' sprawling four-bedroom Ninety-ninth Street and West End Avenue apartment was decaying. But what could you expect when they had no mother and no maid to clean up after them? ?Oh, come on. That's an easy one!? Rufus roared at Leo. The vinyl record he'd put on before he brought out the food suddenly kicked in, and the strange, high-pitched Peruvian yodelings of Yma Sumac filled the room. Rufus poured himself another glass of wine, waiting expectantly for an answer. Leo smiled politely. ?Um ? I'm not sure if I know. ?? Dan leaned over and whispered loudly in Leo's ear, ?Allen Ginsberg. ?A Supermarket in California.? Easy.? Jenny kicked her brother's foot under the table. Did he have to be such a wiseass? Rufus gritted his teeth. ?But I have promises to keep, / And miles to go before I sleep,? he challenged, his muddy brown eyes bulging as they stared Leo down. Leo's blond hair looked almost translucent as he withered under Rufus's relentless gaze. ?Um ?? ?Dad!? Jenny cried for the third time. ?God.? She knew her father was only trying to do his wild-and-wonderful-dad bit, overcompensating for six other nights that week when she and Dan had eaten takeout in front of the TV, but didn't he get the hint that poetry was not Leo's thing? ?Well, even I know that one,? Elise piped up. ?Robert Frost. ?Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening.? I had to memorize it in eighth grade.? She turned to Dan. ?See, I kind of do know something about poetry.? Rufus speared a bratwurst and slapped it onto Leo's cracked blue plate. ?Where do you go to school, anyway?? Leo wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. ?Smale. The Smale School, sir.? His eyes darted across the table to Jenny, who smiled encouragingly. ?Hmm,? Rufus responded, picking up a sausage in his fingers and biting it in half. He washed the bite down with a gulp of wine. ?Never heard of it.? ?It specializes in the arts,? Dan said. ?And poetry isn't an art?? Rufus demanded. Jenny couldn't eat. She was too mad at her dad. Normally, he was kind of nice in a gruff and grumpy kind of way. Why did he have to go and be so mean to Leo? ?So, a job atRed Letter ,? Rufus said, raising his glass to Dan. ?I still can't believe it.? Rufus had a trunk full of unread, unfinished poems in his home office, and although he was an editor himself, he had never been published. Now Dan was having the writing career he'd never had. ?'Atta boy!? he growled. ?Just don't start talking in phony accents like all those other bastards.? Dan frowned, remembering Siegfried Castle's difficult-to-understand German accent. It had sounded pretty authentic to him. ?What do you mean?? Rufus chuckled as he dug into a banana. ?You'll see. Anyhow, I'm proud of you, kid. You keep this up, you'll be poet laureate by the time you're twenty.? All of a sudden, Leo stood up abruptly. ?Excuse me. I have to go.? ?No!? Jenny jumped to her feet. She'd imagined they'd eat quickly and then Elise would leave and she and Leo would go into her room and kiss for a while and maybe do their homework together. She might even paint his portrait if he let her. ?Please stay.? ?Sorry, Jenny.? Leo turned to Rufus and held his hand out stiffly. ?It was nice to meet you, Mr. Humphrey. Thanks for the delicious dinner.? Rufus waved his fork in the air. ?Don't get too used to it, son. Most of the time we eat Chinese.? That was true. Rufus's idea of grocery shopping was to buy wine, cigarettes, and toilet paper. Jenny and Dan would have been malnourished if they hadn't been able to order in. Jenny escorted Leo to the door. ?Are you okay?? she asked worriedly. Leo grinned his shy, cracked-tooth grin and smiled down at her from his great height. ?Yeah, I just thought we'd eat a little earlier. I need to get home and?? He stopped, frowning as he wound a brand-new-looking red-and-black cashmere scarf around his neck.Burberry, the tag on the scarf read. Jenny had never seen him wear it before. ?I'll e-mail you later,? he added before disappearing down the hall to catch the elevator. Jenny went back to the table, and Rufus raised his bushy eyebrows at her bemusedly. ?Was it something I said?? Jenny glared back at him. She had no idea why Leo had left so suddenly, but blaming her dad was the easiest solution. ?Oh, come on, Jen,? her father continued heartlessly. ?So he's not the sharpest tool in the box. He'll probably make a good boyfriend, though.? She stood up. ?I'm going to my room.? ?Do you want me to come?? Elise offered. Jenny thought Elise looked pretty happy sitting next to Dan and talking about poetry. She'd even helped herself to a glass of wine. ?No, that's okay,? s............