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Chapter 4 Communicating
      Everyone seems to have a different sense of the word"communication," but the definitions usually gosomething like this: "It's an exchange of informationbetween two or more people" . . . "It's getting your messageacross" ... "It's being understood."In the early days of Neuro-Linguistic Programming(NLP), a research project devoted to "the study of excellenceand a model of how individuals structure their subjectivesensory experience," Richard Bandler and JohnGrinder created an effective definition: "The meaning of20communication lies in the response it gets." This is simple,and brilliant, because it means that it's 100% up toyou whether or not your own communication succeeds.

After all, you axe the one with a message to deliver or agoal to achieve, and you are the one with the responsibilityto make it happen. What's more, if it doesn't work, youare the one with the flexibility to change what you do untilyou finally get what you want. In order to give some formand function to communication here, let's assume that wehave some kind of response or outcome in mind. Peoplewho are low on communication skills usually have notthought out the response they want from the other personin the first place and therefore cannot aim for it.

The skills you will learn here will serve you on all levelsof communication from social dealings like developingnew relationships and being understood in your dailyinteractions all the way to life-changing moves for yourselfand those in your sphere of influence.

The formula for effective communication has threedistinct parts:

Know what you want. Formulate your intention in theaffirmative and preferably in the present tense. Forexample, "I want a successful relationship, I have filledmy imagination with what that relationship will look,sound, feel, smell and taste like with me in it, and I knowwhen I will have it" is an affirmative statement, asopposed to "I don't want to be lonely."21Find out what you're getting. Get feedback. You findthat hanging out in smoky bars is not for you.

Change what you do until you get what you want.

Design a plan and follow through with it: "I'll invite 10people over for dinner every Saturday night." Do it andget more feedback. Redesign if necessary, and do it againwith more feedback. Repeat the cycle—redesign-do-getfeedback—until you get what you want. You can applythis cycle to any area of your life that you want toimprove—finance, romance, sports, career, you name it.

Know what you want.

Find out what you're getting.

Change what you do until you get what you want.

This is terrifically easy to r............
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