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Part 4 Chapter 3 A Few Compliments

THE two young ladies and Mr. Dubster, left thus together, and so situated that separation without assistance was impossible, looked at one another for some time in nearly equal dismay; and then Mr. Dubster, with much displeasure, exclaimed–‘Them young gentlemen are as full of mischief, as an egg’s full of meat! Who’d have thought of a person’s going to do such a thing as this?-it’s mortal unconvenent, making me leave my workmen at this rate; for I dare say they’re come, or, coming, by this time. I wish I’d tied the ladder to this here rafter.’

The sisters, though equally provoked, thought it necessary to make some apology for the wild behaviour of their brother.

‘O young ladies,’ said he, formally waving his hand by way of a bow, ‘I don’t in the least mean to blame you about it, for you’re very welcome to stay as long as it’s agreeable; only I hope he’ll come back by my dinner time; for a cold beef-steak is one or other the worst morsel I know.’

He then kept an unremitting watch from one window to another, for some passenger from whom he could claim aid; but, much as he had boasted of the numbers perpetually in sight, he now dolorously confessed, that, sometimes, not a soul came near the place for half a day together: ‘And, as to my workmen,’ continued he, ‘the deuce can’t make ’em hear if once they begin their knocking and hammering.’

And then, with a smirk at the idea, he added–‘I’ll tell you what; I’d best give a good squall at once, and then if they are come I may catch ’em; in the proviso you won’t mind it, young ladies.’

This scheme was put immediately into practice; but though the sisters were obliged to stop their ears from his vociferation, it answered no purpose.

‘Well I’ll bet you what you will,’ cried he, ‘they are all deaf: however, it’s as well as it is, for if they was to come, and see me hoisted up in this cage, like, they’d only make a joke of it; and then they’d mind me no more than a pin never again. It’s surprising how them young gentlemen never think of nothing. If he’d served me so when I was a ‘prentice, he’d have paid pretty dear for his frolic; master would have charged him half a day’s work, as sure as a gun.’

Soon after, while looking out of the window, ‘I do think,’ he exclaimed, ‘I see somebody!–It shall go hard but what I’ll make ’em come to us.’

He then shouted with great violence; but the person crossed a stile into a field, without seeing or hearing him.

This provoked him very seriously; and turning to Camilla, rather indignantly, he said–‘Really, ma’am, I wish you’d tell your brother, I should take it as a favour he’d never serve me o’ this manner no more!’

She hoped, she said, he would in future be more considerate.

‘It’s a great hindrance to business, ma’am, such things; and it’s a sheer love of mischief, too, begging pardon, for it’s of no manner of use to him, no more than it is to us.’

He then desired, that if any body should pass by again, they might all squall out at once; saying, it was odds, then, but they might be heard.

‘Not that it’s over agreeable, at the best,’ added he; ‘for if one was to stop any poor person, and make ’em come round, and look for the ladder, one could not be off giving them something: and as to any of the gentlefolks, one might beg and pray as long as one would before they’d stir a step for one: and as to any of one’s acquaintance, if they was to go by, it’s ten to one but they’d only fall a laughing. People’s generally ill-natured when they sees one in jeopardy.’

Eugenia, already thoughtful and discomposed, now grew uneasy, lest her uncle should be surprised at her long absence; this a little appeased Mr. Dubster, who, with less resentment, said–‘So I see, then, we’re all in the same quandary! However, don’t mind it, young ladies; you can have no great matters to do with your time, I take it; so it does not so much signify. But a man’s quite different. He looks like a fool, as one may say, poked up in such a place as this, to be stared at by all comers and goers; only nobody happens to pass by.’

His lamentations now were happily interrupted by the appearance of three women and a boy, who, with baskets on their heads, were returning from the next market town. With infinite satisfaction, he prepared to assail them, saying, he should now have some chance to get a bit of dinner: and assuring the ladies, that if they should like a little scrap for a relish, he should be very willing to send ’em it by their footman; ‘For it’s a long while,’ said he, ‘young ladies, to be fasting, that’s the truth of it.’

The market women now approached, and were most clamourously hailed, before their own loud discourse, and the singing and whistling of the boy, permitted their hearing the appeal.

‘Pray, will you be so kind,’ said Mr. Dubster, when he had made them stop, ‘as to step round by the house, and see if you can see the workmen; and if you can, tell ’em a young gentleman, as come here while they was at dinner, has taken away the ladder, and left us stuck up here in the lurch.’

The women all laughed, and said it was a good merry trick; but were preparing to follow his directions, when Mr. Dubster called after the boy, who loitered behind, with an encouraging nod: ‘If you’ll bring the ladder with you upon your shoulders, my lad, I’ll give you a half-penny!’

The boy was well contented; but the women, a little alarmed, turned back and said–‘And what will you give to us, master?’ ‘Give?’ repeated he, a little embarrassed; ‘why, I’ll give-why I’ll thank you kindly; and it won’t be much out of your way, for the house is only round there.’

‘You’ll thank us kindly, will you?’ said one of the women; ‘it’s like you may! But what will you do over and above?’

‘Do? why it’s no great matter, just to stop at the house as you go by, and tell ’em–’

Here Eugenia whispered she would herself satisfy them, and begged he would let them make their own terms.

‘No, Miss, no; I don’t like to see nobody’s money fooled away, no more than my own. However, as you are so generous, I’ll agree with ’em, to give ’em a pot of beer.’

He then, with some parade, made this concession; but said, he must see the ladder, before the money should be laid down.

‘A pot of beer for four!-a pot of beer for four!’ they all exclaimed in a breath; and down everyone put her basket, and set her arms a-kembo, unanimously declaring, they would shame him for such stinginess.

The most violent abuse now followed, the boy imitating them, and every other sentence concluding with–‘A pot of beer for four-ha!’

Camilla and Eugenia, both frightened, besought that they might have any thing, and every thing, that could appease them; but Mr. Dubster was inflexible not to submit to imposition, because of a few foul words; ‘For, dear heart,’ said he, ‘what harm will they do us!-they an’t of no consequence.’

Then, addressing them again, ‘As to four,’ he cried, ‘that’s one over the bargain, for I did not reckon the boy for nothing.’

‘You didn’t, didn’t you?’ cried the boy; ‘i’cod, I hope I’m as good as you, any day in the year!’

‘You’ll thank us kindly, will you?’ said one of the women; ‘I’fackens, and so you shall, when we’re fools enough to sarve you!–A pot of beer for four!’

‘We help you down!-we get you a ladder!’ cried another; ‘yes, forsooth, it’s like we may!-no, stay where you are like a toad in a hole as you be!’

Camilla and Eugenia now, tired of vain application to Mr. Dubster, who heard all this abuse with the most sedate unconcern, advanced themselves to the window; and Eugenia, ever foremost where money was to be given, began–‘Good women–’ when, with a violent loud shout, they called out–‘What! are you all in Hob’s pound? Well, they as will may let you out for we; so I wish you a merry time of it!’

Eugenia began again her–‘Good women–’ when the boy exclaimed–‘What were you put up there for, Miss? to frighten the crows?’

Eugenia, not understanding him, was once more re-commencing; but the first woman said–‘I suppose you think we’ll sarve you for looking at?-no need to be paid?’

‘Yes, yes,’ cried the second, ‘Miss may go to market with her beauty; she’ll not want for nothing if she’ll shew her pretty face!’

‘She need not be afeard of it, however,’ said the third, ‘for ’twill never be no worse. Only take care, Miss, you don’t catch the small pox!’

‘O fegs, that would be pity!’ cried the boy, ‘for fear Miss should be marked.’

Eugenia, astonished and confounded, made no farther attempt; but Camilla, though at that moment she could have inflicted any punishment upon such unprovoked assailants, affected to give but little weight to what they said, and gently drew her away.

‘Hoity, toity!’ cried one of the women, as she moved off, ‘why, Miss, do you walk upon your knees?’

‘Why my Poll would make two of her,’ said another, ‘though she’s only nine years old.’

‘She won’t take much for cloaths,’ cried another, ‘that’s one good thing.’

‘I’d answer to make her a gown out of my apron,’ said the third.

‘Your apron?’ cried another, ‘your pocket handkerchief you mean!-why she&r............

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