MORMONISM IN ENGLAND—PREPARING TO EMIGRATE.  
It was fortunate for the Swiss mission that the new converts in general could not read any language but their own, and thus were ignorant of the deceptions which the American Elders had practised upon the people.
Monsieur Petitpierre, the Protestant minister who thought that the Revelation ought to be “prayerfully considered,” was the only one who understood English, and his knowledge was very limited. His wife did not at all coincide with him about the prayerful consideration of polygamy; she disposed of the subject without any prayer at all; and it is to be regretted that in this respect the whole body of the Mormon women did not follow her example.
What arguments she used I do not know; but that they were very much to the point no one can doubt, for they banished for ever all thoughts of polygamy from her husband’s mind. It was said among the Saints that she was very energetic in her private discussions with her husband. But however this might be, it is certain that Monsieur Petitpierre resisted as long as he could, for the Revelation quite fascinated the childless old man; and it is possible that he might have held fast to the faith, but unfortunately, just then certain documents and publications of the apostles, and a very large amount of evidence respecting them and their doings, attracted his attention. He was in the main a good and truthful man, although of small mental calibre, and the deceptions and contradictions which he discovered quite disgusted him. His wife’s strong personal arguments gave the finishing blow to his faith, and the spell was broken. The vision of a modern Hagar and a little Ishmael vanished from his mind; he apostatised—and Mr. Stenhouse lost the services of a very useful translator.
When I heard that he had left the church, how I wished that I could have followed in his footsteps! But apostasy from Mormonism is only possible to two classes—the young[87] disciple, who has embraced the faith more from enthusiasm than from conviction, whose experience is limited; and the old disciple, who has entirely outgrown it, and has become disgusted with it all.
I was neither of these. My faith was too firmly grounded to admit of my giving it up. Though I hated polygamy, I did not dare to question the divinity of its origin. I only pitied myself and my sex for the burden which God had seen fit to place upon us. I never for a moment supposed that any man would have been so wicked as to fabricate a “Revelation,” or so blasphemous as to palm it off in the name of the Lord.
Oh yes, I hated polygamy in my heart. And my efforts in teaching it only increased my hatred; for when I was gravely told by the Elders that woman had been cursed in the garden of Eden, and that polygamy was one of the results of that curse—“her desire shall be unto her husband, and he shall rule over her!”—I must confess that my heart within me was rebellious. From my earliest childhood I had thought of God as a father and a friend, to whom I might go and tell all my griefs and cares; but now He was presented to me as a hard taskmaster, not as a father or a friend.
I met with much kindness, but I did not meet with much sympathy from the brethren. They could not understand that opposition to polygamy was anything else than selfishness on the part of the sisters; they did not comprehend the feelings of a woman’s heart—its craving for some object upon which to devote its whole wealth of love. They were taught that theirs was a nobler position than that of the sisters, and that women might consider themselves sufficiently honoured in being allowed to become the mothers of their children, and to help in building up their “kingdom.”
Of my missionary work in Switzerland subsequent to the introduction of polygamy I will say but little, except that it was too successful. The same sorrow and indignation which Madame Balif had so forcibly expressed, were shown by almost every new convert, and I had to bear the blame of teaching such a doctrine. The sisters became unhappy, and wished that they had died in ignorance of Mormonism; and I felt humbled to the dust to think that I should be the innocent cause of so much misery to others. I looked anxiously for a change; but the only change which seemed probable was that we might be permitted to emigrate to Utah—and there was no comfort for me in that prospect.
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We remained in Switzerland until the close of the year 1854, and through the unremitting efforts of my husband Mormonism was introduced into six cantons of the Confederation. Monsieur Balif became an indefatigable missionary, as was also Governor Stoudeman; and to their liberality and zeal Mr. Stenhouse was greatly indebted. With the aid of Monsieur Balif, he established in Geneva a monthly periodical in the French language, for the edification of the Saints, besides publishing a book in reply to the attacks of the clergy, and many minor effusions.
At that time there was great excitement among the Saints in Utah. Brigham Young and his apostles were denouncing the Gentiles in the most unmeasured language. As I write, a volume of sermons delivered at that time is before me, and I really can hardly credit that so much ridiculous nonsense, bad grammar, and blasphemy, could ever have been uttered in a public place of worship—yet it was so. The Saints were told that in these last times all the vials of the wrath of God were about to be poured upon the earth; wars and desolations, anarchy and persecution, fire, pestilence, and unheard of horrors, were to desolate all the world, until men should call upon the rocks to hide them, and in the bitterness of their souls curse the day in which they were born; death was to be sought for, but not found. Believing, as they did, that all this was true, it is no wonder that the Saints in Europe were alarmed, and became anxious to emigrate to Utah, where they were told they would be safe. A seven years’ famine was said to be at the door, when a sack of wheat should be sold for a sack of gold, and Gentile kings and princes were to come and crouch to the Saints for a morsel of bread. The very women in Zion were counselled to sell the ribbons from their bonnets, to buy flour with the proceeds, and to hide it away against the day of wrath.
The brethren and sisters in Switzerland who could dispose of their property hastened to “flee to Zion.” Some did so at a ruinous sacrifice. One gentleman, a Monsieur Robella, I knew, who was part proprietor of a newspaper and printing establishment. In a very short time it would have been entirely in his own hands; but he sold out at a great loss, dreading that the storm might overtake him before he reached the “chambers of the Lord in the mountains,” as the Elders called Salt Lake City.
The journey from Europe to Utah at that time occupied six or eight months; it was a very tedious pilgrimage. My[89] Swiss friends had first to travel to Liverpool; thence by sailing vessel to New Orleans; by steamer up the Mississippi as far as St. Louis; up the Missouri to the frontiers; and then across the plains by ox-teams. Much of this distance had to be travelled during the worst part of the year. They left their homes while the Jura mountains were still draped in snow; and those who escaped the ravages of cholera and the perils of the ways, reached their destination just as the frosts of winter were beginning to whiten the hoary heads of the hills which stand about Zion.
All the Swiss pilgrims travelled together until they arrived at St. Louis; there they separated, one party going up the river, and the other making the journey overland. The cholera attacked the latter party, and cut off the greater number of them, and their bones now whiten the prairie.
The news of their death soon arrived in Switzerland, and the people at Lausanne were exasperated against the Mormon missionaries; and when my husband visited that place he found it prudent not to remain long. At the same time those of the Saints whose relations had perished in the emigration were pained to hear that it was because they “had not obeyed counsel,” and gone up the river with the other party, that they fell by the way. And, as if in mockery of this statement, the next news that we received was that a Missouri steamer, on board of which were many Mormon missionaries—all most obedient to counsel—had been blown to atoms. Many of the Saints began to consider these things, and their love waxed cold.
Through all this our position was anything but pleasant, and my husband applied for permission to be released from the presidency of the Swiss and Italian missions, in order that he might “gather to Zion.” His request was granted; and in the autumn of 1854 we bade a final adieu to Switzerland.
We might now be said to have begun our journey to Zion, although we tarried long by the way, and several years elapsed before we reached our destination.
When we arrived in London we obtained apartments in the house of the President of the London Conference, and there I had opportunities of observing the effects of the system upon the English Saints. Elder Marsden, the president, was a thorough Mormon, and a man who was very highly thought of. He had been acquainted with all the apostles and high priests who had resided in Liverpool—the great rendezvous of[90] the Saints in England; had been President of the Conference there, and now occupied the highest position of the European mission. He was a pleasant, intelligent man, who in his day had done much to build up the church; but, like his two predecessors, John Banks and Thomas Margetts, he also apostatized from the Mormonism of later years. At the time, however, of which I speak, he was considered to be of good standing among the Saints.
Up to this time I had never seriously doubted my religion, and I probably never should have done so had it not been for the introduction of polygamy. But what I saw in London at that time sadly shook my faith, and the stories which I heard from Utah quite frightened me. Nothing, of course, was openly said, and at first I disbelieved every evil report, until at last it was impossible for me altogether to reject what was told me. The testimony of an apostate or of a Gentile would have been dismissed with contempt; but when we saw letters from mothers to their children, and husbands to their wives—all people of unquestioned faith, setting forth the troubled state of men’s minds in Utah, expressing fears for their own safety, and hinting at “cutting off” the transgressor, and the doings of “Avenging Angels,” we could not cast them aside with contempt. My views of the glories of Zion were changing; henceforth I was never firm in the faith; I felt that there was something wrong.
Perhaps the reader may think that now I might have left the church, and thus have avoided all those troubles which awaited me in Utah. But let him remember that, although my faith was shaken, it was not wholly destroyed. All that I clung to on earth—my husband, whom I truly loved, and my darling children—were part and parcel of Mormonism. I could not tear myself from them, and isolate my soul from all that made life worth having.
My unsettled state of mind, however, did not long remain a secret. It was spoken of among the Saints, and I became an object of interest. The pastor over the London and adjoining Conferences was the son of one of the chief apostles in Utah—a young man, whose good nature was far better than his religion. He visited us very frequently, and used to bring with him the distinguished American Elders who might be visiting the metropolis. I have no doubt that they were sincere in their desire to do me good; but it was not kind attentions that I then needed, it was the removal of the cause of my sorrows.
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They tried to persuade me that it was all “the work of the Lord;” but I could not see it in that light, and very often in reply to their consolations I said very hard things of polygamy and the leaders of the church, whose conduct I considered sinful. And in this I did not stand alone, for I soon found that the President of the Conference, Elder Marsden, had been in the same position for years, and his wife was “quite through” with Mormonism. In fact, so great had been the distrust occasioned by polygamy, that in the report ending June 30th, 1853, it was stated that............