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CHAPTER XVIII ILLUSTRATIONS, NEUROTIC HISTORIES
The psychopathic character appears to be full of contradictions, “a house divided against itself.” Neurotics are like “the troubled ocean which never rests.” Some of my patients complain of fatigue, physical and especially intellectual, inability of concentration of attention, and yet they hint at being undeveloped, unappreciated geniuses. The patient may be said to suffer from a paradoxical state of “humble superiority.”

A few of my cases may help one to form some faint idea of the intensity of the impulse of self-preservation and fear instinct which obsess the psychopathic sufferer.

M. A. Age 43, female, married; sister and brother died of tuberculosis. When young, she herself had an attack of tuberculosis from which, however, she entirely recovered. This made her, from her very childhood, think of herself and of the fear of death. She suffers from headaches, backaches, indigestion, and intestinal pains. Her mind is entirely engrossed with herself. The whole world[150] is for her sake, and she does not scruple to utilize anyone who is willing to serve her. She takes advantage of everybody and does not care what the feeling of others might be about her extreme selfishness. If she were sure that no fine or punishment would follow, she would not hesitate to take anything that belongs to others, no matter whether it be a friend or enemy, provided it does her good, drives away some of her discomforts, fear of disease, or gives pleasure to her, even at the expense of other people’s agonies. If there were a prize for selfishness, she would be sure to get it. She is sure to take advantage of people who do not know her and who practice the ordinary activities and amenities of life in regard to her. She does not get offended when people refuse her demands. She goes to look for other victims who have as yet no knowledge of her temperament and “sickness.” Everything is legitimate to her in order to get well and healthy.

The patient talks of high ideals and of service to humanity, and yet she has not hesitated to lure away a man who had a wife and three children. She made him divorce his wife who was her bosom friend, and marry herself. She spends all his money on her “artistic dresses,” while his former wife and his little family are allowed just enough to keep them from starvation. The patient goes around travelling, visits physicians, cures herself,[151] keeps on being sick in various health resorts, learning all kinds of fads, modes of “healthy living.”

The patient is in terror of disease and of old age. She fears even to think of such things. She carries around with her all kinds of prescriptions and directions as to how to preserve youth. I was especially instructed by her husband not to inquire for her age. Everything must be subservient to her impulse of self-preservation and instinct of fear. She has dwindled to a parasitic existence, obsessed with the lowest instincts of life. She avoids all responsibilities. She wants to get as much as she can in order to obtain for herself the highest possible benefit. When she meets people who do not know her, she is quick in taking advantage of them. Life to her has no duties but rights. Patient is a typical Nero, a Caligula. She would cheerfully sacrifice a nation to get out a mite of pleasure, comfort, and health.

V. S. Age 49, female. Married; no children. She has three sisters and two brothers who are all well. As a child she lived in great poverty. She was neglected and met with accidents and scares; suffered from sickness until her little body was emaciated from privation. She managed, however, to go through school and become a clerk in a small store; she was very careful of her appearance which meant to her a good marriage, comfortable life. She also took care of her health which was rather[152] precarious, on account of the many colds accompanied by severe headaches. At the same time on account of the poor life led, she also suffered from some obscure troubles. After years of precarious health and quests for happiness, for marriage, she succeeded in capturing a well-to-do merchant in whose store she had worked as a clerk. Immediately after marriage she rigged up a beautiful home with “rich mahogany furniture” which the husband regarded with a gasp, settled down to a life of leisure, to complete idleness, and began to attend to her health....

The patient began to find more and more troubles with her organs, from the top of her head to the pelvis and intestines. Nothing was quite right. Things could be improved. The impulse of self-preservation gained more and more control over her. Along with this impulse the fear instinct gained in strength, became more and more extensive.

The patient became full of fear which, by the principle of proliferation and diffusion, kept on growing and diffusing in ever new directions, and spreading to ever new associations and systems. The central fear was poverty. The patient was afraid she might become poor. This was naturally a fear from her early childhood,—the fear of suffering in poverty, a fear which persisted throughout her life. The fear became accentuated and developed with time. She was afraid to spend money,[153] especially sums above a five dollar bill. No matter how much she tried to reason with herself this fear persisted. She was afraid to buy new things which she regarded more or less expensive. She was afraid to put on new dresses, to buy new furniture, to spend money in any way. In fact, quite often the fear was so uncontrollable that even when she had no thought of threatening poverty she was in a panic of being confronted with expensive purchases.

The fears then began to spread to other things,—such as giving away small articles or loaning books, or presenting any things or objects that might be regarded as expensive and valuable. The fears spread to other objects of importance and value.

Along with it she had fears of indigestion and nutrition, nausea, vomiting, intestinal pains, discomfort, and especially an inordinate amount of distress when in a state of nervous excitement.

The patient was as obstinate as a mule, though claiming that she was doing her best and trying everything in her power to co-operate. She was doing everything in her power to frustrate the physician’s directions, claiming at the same time that she was doing her best to follow scrupulously the doctor’s orders. She claimed she was nice to people when she was nasty and offensive to everybody who in any way happened not to fall in with[154] her whims and caprices. In fact, even those who went out of their way to please her and did everything in attending to her, and helping her in every way day and night, even those she treated with lack of consideration, even positive disdain and contempt. She was the incarnation of demoniacal obsession of psychopathic meanness and egotism.

She abused and dominated her husband by her sickness, trouble, fainting and crying spells, headaches, moans and weeping. She made him do everything she pleased. In fact, she tyrannized over her husband, and kept on claiming she loved him. She could not for a moment be without him, and complained that on account of her extreme devotion to him, “her will was broken.”

She was a regular termagant, a demon incarnate. She knew how to make a scene and put the blame on her “dear ones.” It was enough for her to suspect what her friends wanted her to do, she was sure out of sheer malice, to act the contrary. She was distrustful, spying on others, sneaky and lying without any scruples; and yet “no one was so mild, so ideal, so kind, so affectionate, so considerate, so calm as she was.” She went around reciting poetry about ideals, health, and happiness. She persuaded herself that she was highly educated, that she was the best business woman, the best critic, appreciative of poetry and of art in general. She was a veritable Nero, an “egomaniac” devoid of all love and human[155] sympathy. She suffered so much, because she was so unusually altruistic. A coyote in her fear, a tigress in her rage, she claimed the gentleness of the dove and the innocence of the babe.

Not for a moment could she fix her attention on anything but herself, eating, drinking, sleeping, and feeling. Nothing interested her but herself. She avoided work, however short and easy. She could, however, talk of herself, of her achievements, of her moral, intellectual qualities by the hour and by the day. Even games did not interest her, nothing but herself, and self. This was so evident that one of the attendants noticed this characteristic psychopathic trait, and described her as “egomaniac.” She was the “Great I am.” “The Ego-person is the reflection of the Ego-god.” ...

Whenever one spoke of a great man, she was sure to have her opinion of him. She was at any rate superior to him. She could give her opinion on any conceivable subject in literature, economics, and politics.

She was as cunning as a savage, and as treacherous as a wild brute, and yet she was to all appearances a veritable saint, full of suffering for the sins of humanity, and for the faults of her husband who was “boyish and foolish, whom she had to manage,” and whom she did control and handle with an iron rod.

There is no doubt, however, that she herself was[156] driven by her intense, uncontrollable impulse of self-preservation and by the instinct of fear. What especially terrorized her was the slow but sure extension of the fear instinct to more and more objects and acts. The fear instinct kept on creeping on her, slowly choking the life sources of her being. To call the patient “egocentric” is a............
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