RECORDS A TOUCHING ACT OF DELICATEFEELING, NOT UNMIXED WITH PLEASANTRY,ACHIEVED AND PERFORMED BY Messrs.

　　DODSON AND FOGGt was within a week of the close of the month of July, that ahackney cabriolet, number unrecorded, was seen to proceedat a rapid pace up Goswell Street; three people were squeezedinto it besides the driver, who sat in his own particular little dickeyat the side; over the apron were hung two shawls, belonging to twosmall vixenish-looking ladies under the apron; between whom,compressed into a very small compass, was stowed away, agentleman of heavy and subdued demeanour, who, whenever heventured to make an observation, was snapped up short by one ofthe vixenish ladies before-mentioned. Lastly, the two vixenishladies and the heavy gentleman were giving the drivercontradictory directions, all tending to the one point, that heshould stop at Mrs. Bardell’s door; which the heavy gentleman, indirect opposition to, and defiance of, the vixenish ladies,contended was a green door and not a yellow one.

　　‘Stop at the house with a green door, driver,’ said the heavygentleman.

　　‘Oh! You perwerse creetur!’ exclaimed one of the vixenishladies. ‘Drive to the ’ouse with the yellow door, cabmin.’

　　Upon this the cabman, who in a sudden effort to pull up at thehouse with the green door, had pulled the horse up so high that henearly pulled him backward into the cabriolet, let the animal’sfore-legs down to the ground again, and paused.

　　‘Now vere am I to pull up?’ inquired the driver. ‘Settle it amongyourselves. All I ask is, vere?’

　　Here the contest was renewed with increased violence; and thehorse being troubled with a fly on his nose, the cabman humanelyemployed his leisure in lashing him about on the head, on thecounter-irritation principle.

　　‘Most wotes carries the day!’ said one of the vixenish ladies atlength. ‘The ’ouse with the yellow door, cabman.’

　　But after the cabriolet had dashed up, in splendid style, to thehouse with the yellow door, ‘making,’ as one of the vixenish ladiestriumphantly said, ’acterrally more noise than if one had come inone’s own carriage,’ and after the driver had dismounted to assistthe ladies in getting out, the small round head of Master ThomasBardell was thrust out of the one-pair window of a house with ared door, a few numbers off.

　　‘Aggrawatin’ thing!’ said the vixenish lady last-mentioned,darting a withering glance at the heavy gentleman.

　　‘My dear, it’s not my fault,’ said the gentleman.

　　‘Don’t talk to me, you creetur, don’t,’ retorted the lady. ‘Thehouse with the red door, cabmin. Oh! If ever a woman wastroubled with a ruffinly creetur, that takes a pride and a pleasurein disgracing his wife on every possible occasion afore strangers, Iam that woman!’

　　‘You ought to be ashamed of yourself, Raddle,’ said the otherlittle woman, who was no other than Mrs. Cluppins. ‘What have Ibeen a-doing of?’ asked Mr. Raddle.

　　‘Don’t talk to me, don’t, you brute, for fear I should beperwoked to forgit my sect and strike you!’ said Mrs. Raddle.

　　While this dialogue was going on, the driver was mostignominiously leading the horse, by the bridle, up to the housewith the red door, which Master Bardell had already opened. Herewas a mean and low way of arriving at a friend’s house! Nodashing up, with all the fire and fury of the animal; no jumpingdown of the driver; no loud knocking at the door; no opening ofthe apron with a crash at the very last moment, for fear of theladies sitting in a draught; and then the man handing the shawlsout, afterwards, as if he were a private coachman! The whole edgeof the thing had been taken off―it was flatter than walking.

　　‘Well, Tommy,’ said Mrs. Cluppins, ‘how’s your poor dearmother?’

　　‘Oh, she’s very well,’ replied Master Bardell. ‘She’s in the frontparlour, all ready. I’m ready too, I am.’ Here Master Bardell puthis hands in his pockets, and jumped off and on the bottom step ofthe door.

　　‘Is anybody else a-goin’, Tommy?’ said Mrs. Cluppins,arranging her pelerine.

　　‘Mrs. Sanders is going, she is,’ replied Tommy; ‘I’m going too, Iam.’

　　‘Drat the boy,’ said little Mrs. Cluppins. ‘He thinks of nobodybut himself. Here, Tommy, dear.’

　　‘Well,’ said Master Bardell.

　　‘Who else is a-goin’, lovey?’ said Mrs. Cluppins, in aninsinuating manner.

　　‘Oh! Mrs. Rogers is a-goin’,’ replied Master Bardell, opening hiseyes very wide as he delivered the intelligence.

　　‘What? The lady as has taken the lodgings!’ ejaculated Mrs.

　　Cluppins.

　　Master Bardell put his hands deeper down into his pockets, andnodded exactly thirty-five times, to imply that it was the lady-lodger, and no other.

　　‘Bless us!’ said Mrs. Cluppins. ‘It’s quite a party!’

　　‘Ah, if you knew what was in the cupboard, you’d say so,’

　　replied Master Bardell.

　　‘What is there, Tommy?’ said Mrs. Cluppins coaxingly. ‘You’lltell me, Tommy, I know.’

　　‘No, I won’t,’ replied Master Bardell, shaking his head, andapplying himself to the bottom step again.

　　‘Drat the child!’ muttered Mrs. Cluppins. ‘What a prowokin’

　　little wretch it is! Come, Tommy, tell your dear Cluppy.’

　　‘Mother said I wasn’t to,’ rejoined Master Bardell, ‘I’m a-goin’ tohave some, I am.’ Cheered by this prospect, the precocious boyapplied himself to his infantile treadmill, with increased vigour.

　　The above examination of a child of tender years took placewhile Mr. and Mrs. Raddle and the cab-driver were having analtercation concerning the fare, which, terminating at this point infavour of the cabman, Mrs. Raddle came up tottering.

　　‘Lauk, Mary Ann! what’s the matter?’ said Mrs. Cluppins.

　　‘It’s put me all over in such a tremble, Betsy,’ replied Mrs.

　　Raddle. ‘Raddle ain’t like a man; he leaves everythink to me.’

　　This was scarcely fair upon the unfortunate Mr. Raddle, whohad been thrust aside by his good lady in the commencement ofthe dispute, and peremptorily commanded to hold his tongue. Hehad no opportunity of defending himself, however, for Mrs. Raddlegave unequivocal signs of fainting; which, being perceived fromthe parlour window, Mrs. Bardell, Mrs. Sanders, the lodger, andthe lodger’s servant, darted precipitately out, and conveyed herinto the house, all talking at the same time, and giving utterance tovarious expressions of pity and condolence, as if she were one ofthe most suffering mortals on earth. Being conveyed into the frontparlour, she was there deposited on a sofa; and the lady from thefirst floor running up to the first floor, returned with a bottle of sal-volatile, which, holding Mrs. Raddle tight round the neck, sheapplied in all womanly kindness and pity to her nose, until thatlady with many plunges and struggles was fain to declare herselfdecidedly better.

　　‘Ah, poor thing!’ said Mrs. Rogers, ‘I know what her feelin’s is,too well.’

　　‘Ah, poor thing! so do I,’ said Mrs. Sanders; and then all theladies moaned in unison, and said they knew what it was, and theypitied her from their hearts, they did. Even the lodger’s littleservant, who was thirteen years old and three feet high,murmured her sympathy.

　　‘But what’s been the matter?’ said Mrs. Bardell.

　　‘Ah, what has decomposed you, ma’am?’ inquired Mrs. Rogers.

　　‘I have been a good deal flurried,’ replied Mrs. Raddle, in areproachful manner. Thereupon the ladies cast indignant glancesat Mr. Raddle.

　　‘Why, the fact is,’ said that unhappy gentleman, steppingforward, ‘when we alighted at this door, a dispute arose with thedriver of the cabrioily―‘A loud scream from his wife, at themention of this word, rendered all further explanation inaudible.

　　‘You’d better leave us to bring her round, Raddle,’ said Mrs.

　　Cluppins. ‘She’ll never get better as long as you’re here.’

　　All the ladies concurred in this opinion; so Mr. Raddle waspushed out of the room, and requested to give himself an airing inthe back yard. Which he did for about a quarter of an hour, whenMrs. Bardell announced to him with a solemn face that he mightcome in now, but that he must be very careful how he behavedtowards his wife. She knew he didn’t mean to be unkind; but MaryAnn was very far from strong, and, if he didn’t take care, he mightlose her when he least expected it, which would be a very dreadfulreflection for him afterwards; and so on. All this, Mr. Raddle heardwith great submission, and presently returned to the parlour in amost lamb-like manner.

　　‘Why, Mrs. Rogers, ma’am,’ said Mrs. Bardell, ‘you’ve neverbeen introduced, I declare! Mr. Raddle, ma’am; Mrs. Cluppins,ma’am; Mrs. Raddle, ma’am.’

　　―‘Which is Mrs. Cluppins’s sister,’ suggested Mrs. Sanders.

　　‘Oh, indeed!’ said Mrs. Rogers graciously; for she was thelodger, and her servant was in waiting, so she was more graciousthan intimate, in right of her position. ‘Oh, indeed!’

　　Mrs. Raddle smiled sweetly, Mr. Raddle bowed, and Mrs.

　　Cluppins said, ‘she was sure she was very happy to have anopportunity of being known to a lady which she had heerd somuch in favour of, as Mrs. Rogers.’ A compliment which the last-named lady acknowledged with graceful condescension.

　　‘Well, Mr. Raddle,’ said Mrs. Bardell; ‘I’m sure you ought to feelvery much honoured at you and Tommy being the only gentlemento escort so many ladies all the way to the Spaniards, atHampstead. Don’t you think he ought, Mrs. Rogers, ma’am?’

　　‘Oh, certainly, ma’am,’ replied Mrs. Rogers; after whom all theother ladies responded, ‘Oh, certainly.’

　　‘Of course I feel it, ma’am,’ said Mr. Raddle, rubbing his hands,and evincing a slight tendency to brighten up a little. ‘Indeed, totell you the truth, I said, as we was a-coming along in thecabrioily―’At the recapitulation of the word which awakened so manypainful recollections, Mrs. Raddle applied her handkerchief to hereyes again, and uttered a half-suppressed scream; so that Mrs.

　　Bardell frowned upon Mr. Raddle, to intimate that he had betternot say anything more, and desired Mrs. Rogers’s servant, with anair, to ‘put the wine on.’

　　This was the signal for displaying the hidden treasures of thecloset, which comprised sundry plates of oranges and biscuits, anda bottle of old crusted port―that at one-and-nine―with another ofthe celebrated East India sherry at fourteen-pence, which were allproduced in honour of the lodger, and afforded unlimitedsatisfaction to everybody. After great consternation had beenexcited in the mind of Mrs. Cluppins, by an attempt on the part ofTommy to recount how he had been cross-examined regarding thecupboard then in action (which was fortunately nipped in the budby his imbibing half a glass of the old crusted ‘the wrong way,’ andthereby endangering his life for some seconds), the party walkedforth in quest of a Hampstead stage. This was soon found, and in acouple of hours they all arrived safely in the Spaniards Tea-gardens, where the luckless Mr. Raddle’s very first act nearlyoccasioned his good lady a relapse; it being neither more nor lessthan to order tea for seven, whereas (as the ladies one an............