At home they sat on the sofa closely pressed together, and the mother resting in the quiet again began to speak about Sasha’s going to Pavel. Thoughtfully raising her thick eyebrows, the girl looked into the distance with her large, dreamy eyes. A contemplative expression rested on her pale face.
“Then, when children will be born to you, I will come to you and dandle them. We’ll begin to live there no worse than here. Pasha will find work. He has golden hands.”
“Yes,” answered Sasha thoughtfully. “That’s good —” And suddenly starting, as if throwing something away, she began to speak simply in a modulated voice. “He won’t commence to live there. He’ll go away, of course.”
“And how will that be? Suppose, in case of children?”
“I don’t know. We’ll see when we are there. In such a case he oughtn’t to reckon with me, and I cannot constrain him. He’s free at any moment. I am his comrade — a wife, of course. But the conditions of his work are such that for years and years I cannot regard our bond as a usual one, like that of others. It will be hard, I know it, to part with him; but, of course, I’ll manage to. He knows that I’m not capable of regarding a man as my possession. I’m not going to constrain him, no.”
The mother understood her, felt that she believed what she said, that she was capable of carrying it out; and she was sorry for her. She embraced her.
“My dear girl, it will be hard for you.”
Sasha smiled softly, nestling her body up to the mother’s. Her voice sounded mild, but powerful. Red mounted to her face.
“It’s a long time till then; but don’t think that I— that it is hard for me now. I’m making no sacrifices. I know what I’m doing, I know what I may expect. I’ll be happy if I can make him happy. My aim, my desire is to increase his energy, to give him as much happiness and love as I can — a great deal. I love him very much and he me — I know it — what I bring to him, he will give back to me — we will enrich each other by all in our power; and, if necessary, we will part as friends.”
Sasha remained silent for a long time, during which the mother and the young woman sat in a corner of the room, tightly pressed against each other, thinking of the man whom they loved. It was quiet, melancholy, and warm.
Nikolay entered, exhausted, but brisk. He immediately announced:
“Well, Sashenka, betake yourself away from here, as long as you are sound. Two spies have been after me since this morning, and the attempt at concealment is so evident that it savors of an arrest. I feel it in my bones — somewhere something has happened. By the way, here I have the speech of Pavel. It’s been decided to publish it at once. Take it to Liudmila. Pavel spoke well, Nilovna; and his speech will play a part. Look out for spies, Sasha. Wait a little while — hide these papers, too. You might give them to Ivan, for example.”
While he spoke, he vigorously rubbed his frozen hands, and quickly pulled out the drawers of his table, picking out papers, some of which he tore up, others he laid aside. His manner was absorbed, and his appearance all upset.
“Do you suppose it was long ago that this place was cleared out? And look at this mass of stuff accumulated already! The devil! You see, Nilovna, it would be better for you, too, not to sleep here to-night. It’s a sorry spectacle to witness, and they may arrest you, too. And you’ll be needed for carrying Pavel’s speech about from place to place.”
“Hm, what do they want me for? Maybe you’re mistaken.”
Nikolay waved his forearm in front of his eyes, and said, with conviction:
“I have a keen scent. Besides, you can be of great help to Liudmila. Flee far from evil.”
The possibility of taking a part in the printing of her son’s speech was pleasant to her, and she answered:
“If so, I’ll go. But don’t think I’m afraid.”
“Very well. Now, tell me where my valise and my linen are. You’ve grabbed up everything into your rapacious hands, and I’m completely robbed of the possibility of disposing of my own private property. I’m making complete preparations — this will be unpleasant to them.”
Sasha burned the papers in silence, and carefully mixed their ashes with the other cinders in the stove.
“Sasha, go,” said Nikolay, putting out his hand to her. “Good-by. Don’t forget books — if anything new and interesting appears. Well, good-by, dear comrade. Be more careful.”
“Do you think it’s for long?” asked Sasha.
“The devil knows them! Evidently. There’s something against me. Nilovna, are you going with her? It’s harder to track two people — all right?”
“I’m going.” The mother went to dress herself, and it occurred to her how little these people who were striving for the freedom of all cared for their personal freedom. The simplicity and the businesslike manner of Nikolay in expecting the arrest both astonished and touched her. She tried to observe his face carefully; she detected nothing but his air of absorption, overshadowing the usual kindly soft expression of his eyes. There was no sign of agitation in this man, dearer to her than the others; he made no fuss. Equally attentive to all, alike kind to all, always calmly the same, he seemed to her just as much a stranger as before to everybody and everything except his cause. He seemed remote, living a secret life within himself and somewhere ahead of people. Yet she felt that he resembled her more than any of the others, and she loved him with a love that was carefully observing and, as it were, did not believe in itself. Now she felt painfully sorry for him; but she restrained her feelings, knowing that to show them would disconcert Nikolay, that he would become, as always under such circumstances, somewhat ridiculous.
When she returned to the room she found him pressing Sasha’s hand and saying:
“Admirable! I’m convinced of it. It’s very good for him and for you. A little personal happiness does not do any harm; but — a little, you know, so as not to make him lose his value. Are you ready, Nilovna?” He walked up to her, smiling and adjusting his glasses. “Well, good-by. I want to think that for three months, four months — well, at most half a year — half a year is a great deal of a man’s life. In half a year one can do a lot of things. Take care of yourself, please, eh? Come, let’s embrace.” Lean and thin he clasped her neck in his powerful arms, looked into her eyes, ............